Preparing food..

Ahh... there she was preparing dinner.. or rather just started preparing...

Standing in front of the stove...facing the window above the stove...the window is closed..as it might attract the flies n bugs its warm and dry outside... its hot inside but also bit humid... Cooker is about to whistle on one stove... the other heating the pan... the heat is palpable... cooker is hissing with steam adding more humidity. ... dough is being knead with bare hands... apron is avoided to make the heat bearable inside... just the dress  with the open neck...
The beads of perspiration have formed on the forehead... all around the face and the neck... the hair is bit dishevelled indicating the amount of time spent in front of stove... dough being knead and ocassionally the forearm swung to wipe the sweat on forehead...just spreading the sweat across the face..generating a infinitesimally small cooling effect but the perspiration building again... a small hint of familiarity behind the shoulder.... small napkin slowly collecting the beads of perspiration from the forehead...down to the cheeks and then to the neck... a cool feeling spreading across with comfort... a smile slowly appears... turning the face slowly.... in contact with the other eyes prying above the shoulders... the smile spreads... the face looks above in the eyes..moves ahead... instead of face...moves ahead towards the shirt on the breast.... slowly nudges...brushes the nose on the shirt wiping out the missed bead of sweat...
Both smile.... eyes smile... all is understood...with the world none wiser. ...

How I wish. ....how I wish.... this could have  been a familiar scene....
Just how I wish...how I wish...

Decision....

Some times or rather I always wonder, what are we up to.? What do we really want to achieve in life.. I have asked this question in so many ways and styles... but always reached to naught...
It dawns upon me that nothing matters in the end.. everyone and everything just vanishes. ... that why are we so eager to pretend to be doing something that matters....
So many decisions we make thinking lot of factors not realising these somehow do not matter in long term.. in this long journey. ..

Yes I agree this is a journey and what we are trying to do is give ourselves a reason to continue this journey though somewhere at subconscious level we are aware that end is inevitable.... and all this will not matter... still in this intervening period of two ends of journey we try to justify its existence... we try to console ourselves that what we do is good for someone if not for me.. this is good for our name not to perish.. this is good to do as the other thing is bad.. we justify our existence by saying we cannot distract ourselves from our targets... the targets which we have decided in this mortal world

What we try to do is disillusionment of our selves so that we do not leave this journey midway...

I realise that our basic objective is survival.. by whatever reason..whatever logic we want to survive....
We feel if we do not survive our race will perish. .it is encoded in our dna to ensure survival of our race.. and that can happen only by procreation....
So all our efforts are directly or indirectly linked to it.. at some level..somehow we convince ourselves that we need to leave behind a legacy..in whatever way..so the easiest way is procreate.. our urges are directed towards it always... though sometimes we get threatened by pain in ensuing this.. but eventually logic coded in our dna wins and we lose... we lose in the perception of our win...
We weave a story explaining all this.. we are afraid to face the truth so create a myth of purpose..higher goal... target..aim..larger purpose... and we endure that myth..

We ensure that no one thinks otherwise..its like the people in the story of naked king with apparently invisible clothes... no one wants to accept the truth.. so we ensure the survival of that perception...

Now comes the question.. what decision.. I know we are at the brink of big storm which will come and then give a enormous twist to our lives. .. question is what will we decide and will we abide by that decision.. will we be adults and take a decision...
Or will we be swayed by petty reasons and be cowards...

DECISION.. TO BE MADE OR NOT TO BE MADE...