Times...changed...or not...!?

Times changes so much... how much has changed since the first week of July 2011..? wouldn't have imagined such day would come, when I would be nostalgic for those days.. 

I have tried so much to adapt myself to these changing circumstances... alas.. never got attuned to it. Have I asked too much for myself? Do I yearn too much for myself?

Will I ever get a chance to redeem myself? No one should go through this? Where do I lie? what will be the outcome of the things going ahead? sometimes I wonder, how life would have been, if other decision would have taken? I do not have guts to go through this and did not have guts to go through that....? 

Sometimes, I feel, what happened was right.. not right for me, right for the other person.. Any one being with me will have to go through lot of pain. considering how weak I am, its important that same weakness does not have a legacy... (and yet I have the ambition of leaving behind a legacy... how ironical..!!??)

Sometimes, I wonder, have times really changed? or the time has changed and I have been static for long time... how dumb of me, always yearned for sweet feelings and then precisely rejected it. How would have other one felt? destroyed.. yes exactly destroyed would have been the reaction...

Guts to see other back on own feet.. facing the world... and where I am..? not able to face even simple things...can't fight emotions.. can't resist urges... that feeling of overwhelming..?

Sometimes, I wonder, what circumstances lead the other person to take such decision? What..!!

Times have changed.. isn't it? or No, they haven't.. just I forgot to move ahead...

Let me lie here.. let me lie here for a while... Let me lie here for a while in the expectation.. let me lie here for a while in the expectation that nothing's changed.. Let me lie here for a while in the expectation that nothing's changed and this is just dream about to end....

Let me lie here...

Love...

Love is always patient and kind; 

It is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; 

It is never rude or selfish; 

It does not take offense, and is not resentful. 

Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; 

It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. 

Love does not come to an end...

Missing....A LOT...

Missing so much... and so many things.. how much materialistic can we be? only to a certain extent.. then we revert.. to being emotional... and then same emotions give you so much pain... 

Is it that we are sad and so we have so much pain or is it just that mental health is maintained by the same pain and we yearn for pain too.... So whats the truth? Pain or no pain...?

Or is it that we do not want to accept the fact we get bored being with only one emotion always and want a change every now and then.... or at least some times... and hence so want the pain too.. sadness too.. fear too and happiness too...relief too... 

Really difficult to get to some conclusion about this or do not have the strength of accepting the fact.. but then what is fact? is it what we think or make story of? or something that is real? then what is real? what we envision with our five known senses? and if so, are there anythings, which are beyond our senses? and if they are, how do we get to know those?

well someone says, try to earn higher consciousness and we get to know the other than five senses.... but then how do we know what we have earned is nothing but a mirage.. or truth.. and how come there is only sixth sense, there might be 10 more senses, if there is sixth...

well coming back.. really missing.. yearning... arching... aching.. just can't define the state.. its just mixture of all. One thing is for sure... this is not what I want....